9. All My Friends - LCD Soundsystem
When I started this writing project, I set myself three rules:
Be honest
Only tell those stories that are mine to tell
Don’t be a wanker
I like to think I’ve kept to the first one, and I’ll leave how I’ve gone with rule 3 up to you.
But today I’m going to stretch rule 2 a little.
Like most people, I assume, I cringe when I think of myself in high school.
Smart mouthed, lazy, sarcastic and with more than my share of adolescent angst, I must have been quite the pain in the neck.
Yet I look back on those times incredibly fondly and that’s entirely because of the group of friends I was lucky enough to find. (It doesn’t hurt that I met my TGNW there either).
These people taught me more about empathy, listening, understanding, appreciation and belonging than I could ever articulate.
A group of friends like that can take a life complicated by some of the cliches of adolescent life and plug the gaps.
It doesn’t make everything make sense — nothing can really do that for you — but having people like that in your life brings meaning and importance.
It’s only in hindsight that I realise how significant that was.
And nearly twenty years after the end of our high school days, I’m lucky enough to still have four of them in my life.
It’s not the same, of course, it never can be. The relentless progress of life and time has seen to that — in ways positive and negative, of course.
But we’re there, in each other’s lives to varying and fluctuating degrees.
There have been 18th’s, 21st’s, engagements, weddings, marriages, kids, dinners, lunches, barbecues, laughs, late nights, too many whisky’s and long phonecalls.
We haven’t all lived in the same state for years, and it’s incredibly rare that we all see each other at the same time.
But we stay in touch and share photos of our kids and our houses and our lives and our jokes and our wins and our losses.
We don’t see each other very often — once a year, in a good year — but when we do see each other it’s easy.
It’s really nice to have people that know you, and that you know.
As in actually know deeply and truly.
* * *
Naturally, more than 20 years of friendship carries with it quite a few stories, and depth of feeling.
We’re a fairly diverse group:
There’s the one who demonstrated a level of commitment in pursuing their athletic goals that I don’t think I ever really appreciated.
It was inspiring, but I’m only recently starting to understand the sacrifices that involved.
Or the time he was driving a group of us to the pub and had an accident, disabling his new car.
His response — hop out, check the damage, lock the car, walk with us to the pub where we had an all-time, memorable night — has been a regular inspiration for me when confronted with one of life’s curveballs.
There’s the one that gives so much of themselves that I worry they’re not leaving enough in the tank.
Who’s generosity so exceeds my own that I find it bewildering — while being impressed by the way they keep giving and going.
Or the time we discovered — to much laughter — the times they’d misused the term ‘Netflix and Chill’ in a corporate environment.
There’s the one that has the courage to exercise the conscience we share — while I’ve generally gone the easier route of not doing anything.
We’ve fought and argued and debated and disagreed and reluctantly conceded points for 21 years and I reckon we have another 21 in us easy.
Or the not-quite-so-secret method we came up with years ago to communicate our irritation at somebody else talking, bonding — as ever — in the face of life’s small annoyances.
There’s the other one I’ve known since I was 9, the one with the driveway where we played basketball and talked til it was dark.
The one who generously put up with my sarcasm and jokes for years. The one who caught the same bus, walked the same paths and was always there.
Or the time we…well, that might be enough bending actually. Best to stop there to protect the innocent…
And then there’s the time my Mum was in Intensive Care and they all rallied around, being there with a sympathetic ear, helpful guidance and suggestions and a clear impression that they gave a damn.
* * *
Oh, and as for the music in this one?
This performance of All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9wnbPUgq6c
I don’t know if it’s the driving piano loop, the steady drum fills or the thumping beat but I adore this song.
It’s a wistful declaration of the lonely uncertainty we all live with now.
With a beat that only those without a pulse could resist moving to.
To me, it’s a lamentation of friendships that time has changed, while standing as a testament to the power of those exact relationships.
It’s dancing alone in the setting sun with tears in your eyes.
Bittersweet, but mature and bold and confident, with the vaguely embarrassed sneer that should really define our generation.
where are your friends,
where are your friends tonight?
When he starts wailing this at the end of the song, I immediately think of these people, and wonder where they are and what they’re doing and how they’re doing and hope that they’re well and happy and healthy and smiling.
It’s the musical acceptance that we’re all alone in this world with our own stops along the way, but having your people with you for part of that journey makes everything better.
And it will forever remind me of these four very special, wonderful people.
* * *
Now, a confession.
This was going to be an examination of this song, a dissection of why it’s important. Of what I feel when I hear the line:
“If the sun comes up
And I still don’t wanna stagger home”.
Or the punch of recognition and rush of validation when I hear a line like:
“You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again”
But then I spoke with some of these friends last night and I’ve instead chosen to dedicate this to them, to how important they are to me, to what they’ve meant to me over these twenty-some years.
So I confess that I’ve written this for them, and them alone.
However, this song is terribly important to many people far more articulate than me about it’s charms.
So for those that want to explore this song a little more — this article perfectly describes the importance of this song and does it better than I ever could.
PS: This was originally written in January 2019, the day after I learned one of my oldest friends had been diagnosed with cancer. She’s since been through her treatment and is - as of today - in remission. But not without cost.
